Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
whose parrot is this?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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