he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.