can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?