Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
