Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
