my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
