I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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