when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
