he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
