my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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