I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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