I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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