her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm passing your future prison.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Randomize
