i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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