y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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