I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
