she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
