We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
