my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
