So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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