I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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