Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
