I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
