He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
