Small penises have feelings too.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
