Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
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Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We're using joints as your birthday candles
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I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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