She tied me up with her honor cords...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
