I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
That was before I lit my hair on fire
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
