I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
