hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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