I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
