I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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