the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
