She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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