1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
