There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
