When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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