you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize