first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
