you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
