I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
