nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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