I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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