tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
