and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
