i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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