hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
