I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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