I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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