Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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