I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
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Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
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You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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