You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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