i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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