I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
