The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
