I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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