I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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