I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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