My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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