I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
