Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Blood and glitter go together right?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
foreskin is a definite game changer
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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