I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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