I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
