i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
