I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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