i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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