At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
