I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
