Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
