the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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