i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
