My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
