i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
