He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
