a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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